Esperanza

I thank God for the constant reminder of Hope. We need those reminders... Recently I was sitting in a coffee shop listening to my friends playing music and they sang a song about hope in Spanish. It was a flash back to my last trip to Mexico. I was once again sitting in a dust floor hut... listening to a beautiful woman speaking to a group of us in spanish. With the help of a translator she shared her heart with us about her childhood in Mexico... of sexual abuse and hard times. She shared with us the hope that God gave her and changed her life. Now she has dedicated the rest of her life to loving the people and children of that community to spread hope... Hope that comes from the Lord. It struck a cord in me... one that I could relate to. I will never forget that connection to the power of the living God that brings hope and changes lives.

It is a power so beyond ourselves.. one that can't be explained. Only God. It also reminded me of the power we live our lives out of. So often we live out of our own power, own judgement and come up with what we think is right and wrong. We act out of ourselves.... not out of the power and hope that is a free gift to us. If we would open up ourselves to the amazing power and healing of God. How much our lives would abound in hope and healing. May I choose to open myself to HOPE... the living hope... the free gift.. power of the living God.

Who am I and who I want to be?

When I enter a room... what vibe do I bring into the room? A positive attitude, negative, peaceful, anger... What would I like to bring into a room with me? How do I bless people? What would I like to bless people with...

I have been pondering these things. Have I the courage, humility, and self confidence to carry the things that I long to posies. The positive attitude, love, kindness, caring, peaceful attitude that I long to enter into the room with me. Blessing people with open arms, a smile, a hug, a prayer... encouragement that will stand in any situation. Am I brave enough? I know with the Lord all things are possible. With truth on my back and healing on my leg... it is a reminder that I serve a God that can break down walls and reveal all!!!

Judgement... where did my deep rooted judgement come from... it is so ugly. The continual revelation of it makes me sick... who am I. Tho holy woman.. ah, I think not. It was taught, trained, brainwashed, and part flesh this rooted Judgement... it comes with out thinking.. it is sadly ever where. Thank God that it is being shown to me, but it makes me sick. Our own sin should make us sick. I just hate seeing it, but it also makes me fall more in love with Jesus.

So who am I and who I want to be....
Well in honesty.. I most likely have more of an on the fence life... try to be positive, have peace and courage to live out the bold life I am called and I fall short way more then I would like to think. So how do I become the person that I want to be... die to self over and over... surrender to the one who does not see my sin and chases it into the sea. The one that forgives over and over.

My prayer... hope is here, he is here, the one I want to be can only come from a life in HIM.

Where am I ?

I may not know where I am but will always know where my God is... he is right here. The numbness is too much sometimes.. he is there through it all.. never going to leave me or give up on me. I look back at the last two years and wonder how somethings happen and how I got through them.. I must say it was my God that got me through.

We are not going to get through this life without scares or pain. Life really hurts sometimes! I will not let anyone take my joy! I choose to stand up again... not letting my past dictate my future, Amen!! No answers.. right determination. As time passes... feelings change, faces move, beauty transforms and everything rearranges your reality never stays the same.

Learning again and again.. that I am really not in control of a whole lot. The faster I can let go and let God change my perspective or reality the more enjoyable life is. So here I am God.. one step at a time. Learning, Growing.. scares and scratches... broken and battered but never freer. He is working.. not done with me let.. Amen!!

So not giving up... walking because I know who my God is.. he isn't giving up on me! I know how he see's me!

WILL

Ones will I have been thinking about that one the last couple days. "You have a strong will." Were does ones will come from? How do we know ones will? How do we have a strong will and how do we increase the will? I want to have a strong will for the right things, not my own selfish behaviors. I don't want to do the right things for myself esteem or to make myself look better and get a righteous ego. I don't want pride.. I want to be willing to die to the things that make me weak and vulnerable or a target. I want to know my weakness and trust them in the Lord and be able to rely on His Holy Spirit to guide me and protect me. The will to be determined what the Lord is calling me to do and not afraid to do it! That is the will that I want to live by! So Holy Spirit fill your people with the will to follow you no matter what comes and to continue to trust you and die to ones self so that ones will doesn't get in the way but that the will of God will ruin in His people!

Hope... which leads to PEACE

I have to say what a year... were has is gone. I am sorry that I have not taken the time to write. To be honest it has been a year from hell. Maybe that is much... maybe not. The Lord has been faithful through it all.. not sure that I can say that I have been faithful through it all. The last year.. were to begin. My mother was diagnosed with congestive heart failure on top of other health issues. I fell in love and was destroyed. Trials that have broken me and made me yes stronger and yes... I feel even weaker at times. It truly shows how fragile life really is. I wish I could say that it has brought me closer to the Lord. In honesty not sure it has... but I now realize that it is a chose to be close to the Lord. Are we going to trust him with the things we can't explain.. the things we feel.. the things we don't want to feel.. the things we are scared about.. the things that we can't control... The list could go on!!

One thing I did learn is that God meets us in the depth of everything. He is deeper than our lowest pit... do you believe that? I know I need to remember that.. when I want to run and hind from him.. he already knows and feels my pain. He is waiting!! Oh, the power of his Holy Spirit and the comfort of his presence. That it the kind of Peace that I am taking about. Not the Peace that you know that everything is going to be okay.. but the Peace that you know everything is going to be Okay because he is there. That no matter the out come you know that you are going to be Okay because he is with you through it all.

The Climb

Miley Cyrus : The Climb Lyrics

Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J

I can almost see it
That dream Im dreaming but
Theres a voice inside my head sayin,
Youll never reach it,
Every step Im taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

Theres always going to be another mountain
Im always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Aint about how fast I get there,
Aint about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb

The struggles Im facing,
The chances Im taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No Im not breaking
The pain Im knowing
But these are the moments that
Im going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,

Theres always going to be another mountain
Im always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Aint about how fast I get there,
Aint about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb

Theres always going to be another mountain
Im always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Aint about how fast I get there,
Aint about whats waiting on the other side
Its the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
Its all about
Its all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

I have been struggling.... praying for more... but I need to work if I want to change. Knowing that it is a struggle to get good things. Things that are of God.. the fruit of righteousness. Lord come.. fill me up! I need you! We are called to make the hard choices... to humble ourselves at his feet. May we be so lost in HIM that it doesn't matter the calling he puts on ours lives. Let's live all for HIM!!

The Vine

Have you ever read John 14-16? If so.. do you believe it.. take some time to read it and pray about it! Because if it is true... why don't we believe it and live it? It totally rocked my socks! The one that came to save left so that one could come that would live in us!! Do you know what that means.. that the King that raised the DEAD.. Lives in US!! Did you read that??

So that means whatever may come my way... it doesn't matter because I have one that is greater than me... living in ME! What do I have to fear? This last week has been hard.. but so good! God's comfort, grace, mercy and patience Wows me in so many ways! I was walking in very dangerous waters.. many where praying.. I thank God for is revaluation. Because He loves me... he shows us the truth... and calls to believe it!

I must give God all the PRAISE and GLORY!! Thank you that I can hear the TRUTH! I want to live it out! I was reminded of the power of His Holy Spirit and His working in His people. We must not doubt the working he does in all of us when we are willing. I encountered two angels this week....

Myself and two close friends where on our way to the airport.. two of us where trying to make a flight. While at an intersection my friends car stalled... we where panicking... trying to get it to start. It felt like forever while we where trying to get it to start.. calling out to God for help two guys came up to the car.. asking if they can help. They helped us move the car into a parking lot and calling for a taxi when the car decides to work. I have no doubt they where followers of God.. we have no idea where they came from... and they where gone like that.

God is living in us... why do we doubt. May we keep our eyes open to be someones angel.. or encourager, helper, friend and a little HOPE in this dark world of hopelessness.