Esperanza

I thank God for the constant reminder of Hope. We need those reminders... Recently I was sitting in a coffee shop listening to my friends playing music and they sang a song about hope in Spanish. It was a flash back to my last trip to Mexico. I was once again sitting in a dust floor hut... listening to a beautiful woman speaking to a group of us in spanish. With the help of a translator she shared her heart with us about her childhood in Mexico... of sexual abuse and hard times. She shared with us the hope that God gave her and changed her life. Now she has dedicated the rest of her life to loving the people and children of that community to spread hope... Hope that comes from the Lord. It struck a cord in me... one that I could relate to. I will never forget that connection to the power of the living God that brings hope and changes lives.

It is a power so beyond ourselves.. one that can't be explained. Only God. It also reminded me of the power we live our lives out of. So often we live out of our own power, own judgement and come up with what we think is right and wrong. We act out of ourselves.... not out of the power and hope that is a free gift to us. If we would open up ourselves to the amazing power and healing of God. How much our lives would abound in hope and healing. May I choose to open myself to HOPE... the living hope... the free gift.. power of the living God.

Who am I and who I want to be?

When I enter a room... what vibe do I bring into the room? A positive attitude, negative, peaceful, anger... What would I like to bring into a room with me? How do I bless people? What would I like to bless people with...

I have been pondering these things. Have I the courage, humility, and self confidence to carry the things that I long to posies. The positive attitude, love, kindness, caring, peaceful attitude that I long to enter into the room with me. Blessing people with open arms, a smile, a hug, a prayer... encouragement that will stand in any situation. Am I brave enough? I know with the Lord all things are possible. With truth on my back and healing on my leg... it is a reminder that I serve a God that can break down walls and reveal all!!!

Judgement... where did my deep rooted judgement come from... it is so ugly. The continual revelation of it makes me sick... who am I. Tho holy woman.. ah, I think not. It was taught, trained, brainwashed, and part flesh this rooted Judgement... it comes with out thinking.. it is sadly ever where. Thank God that it is being shown to me, but it makes me sick. Our own sin should make us sick. I just hate seeing it, but it also makes me fall more in love with Jesus.

So who am I and who I want to be....
Well in honesty.. I most likely have more of an on the fence life... try to be positive, have peace and courage to live out the bold life I am called and I fall short way more then I would like to think. So how do I become the person that I want to be... die to self over and over... surrender to the one who does not see my sin and chases it into the sea. The one that forgives over and over.

My prayer... hope is here, he is here, the one I want to be can only come from a life in HIM.

Where am I ?

I may not know where I am but will always know where my God is... he is right here. The numbness is too much sometimes.. he is there through it all.. never going to leave me or give up on me. I look back at the last two years and wonder how somethings happen and how I got through them.. I must say it was my God that got me through.

We are not going to get through this life without scares or pain. Life really hurts sometimes! I will not let anyone take my joy! I choose to stand up again... not letting my past dictate my future, Amen!! No answers.. right determination. As time passes... feelings change, faces move, beauty transforms and everything rearranges your reality never stays the same.

Learning again and again.. that I am really not in control of a whole lot. The faster I can let go and let God change my perspective or reality the more enjoyable life is. So here I am God.. one step at a time. Learning, Growing.. scares and scratches... broken and battered but never freer. He is working.. not done with me let.. Amen!!

So not giving up... walking because I know who my God is.. he isn't giving up on me! I know how he see's me!